graduation speech

I recently completed the first main Toastmaster’s club achievement and my final assignment was to deliver an inspirational speech aimed at an appropriate event. I choose a graduation speech which I would deliver to a graduating class of 2018.


Good evening graduates of the class of 2018. Tonight you graduate, you finish, but tonight isn’t just about finishing: it’s about new beginnings too. Tonight you begin the rest of your life.

If I rewind my life by 16 years and I imagine myself sitting just like you in the audience here tonight, I realise I’ve learned so many things in that time. Tonight I’ll share some of those things with you.

The comedian Wil Anderson says you either spend your life running from things, or running to things. Up until I graduated I spent my days running away from my childhood. Since then I’ve spent my time running towards a better life, for myself and my wife and three children.

There’s an old saying “no grit; no pearl”. It’s a perfectly succinct way of stating the benefits of adversity. You will all suffer in various ways, the key is to use your suffering to your advantage.

They say life is like trying to swim down the middle of a river – there are two riverbanks: on one side is the riverbank that represents chaos – this will pull you in at various times of your life, like for example when you have young children. The other riverbank represents rigidity. It’s almost too tempting to swim to that riverbank, especially when you’re on the chaos side, but rigidity can be just as bad for you as chaos can be. Your goal in life is to not get drawn in to either side of the river: go with the flow and float down the river, otherwise you’ll spend your time fighting against the currents pulling you to either side.

During the times of your life that will be chaotic you will have a great deal of stress. Don’t avoid stress, deal with it and use it to your advantage. William James once said “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another”.

There’s also a good chance you’ll get addicted to things, if you’re not already. This may be something as simple as Instagram or Caramello Koalas. Addiction isn’t a disease: it’s not something you can recover from. To overcome your addictions you’ll need to develop through them by changing your desires and establishing human connection.

Someone one said that to be successful in life you need three distinct hobbies: one to make you money as we all need that to live. Another hobby to keep you active and fit, as that’s a really important part of health, and finally a hobby to express your creativity that we often bottle up inside us.

To be successful in your hobbies and life focus on systems not goals. Examples of goals are to lose weight or get a promotion. An example of a system is establishing a regime where you’re active everyday and you crave healthy fresh foods. Another system is making yourself so valuable to your employer they have no choice but to keep you around.

When you’re successful you’ll become passionate about something. That’s right, passion comes from success, success doesn’t come from being passionate about something! There are plenty of passionate people who are unemployed, on the dole, or have started failed businesses and are bankrupt.

When you are successful, resist the urge to outsource your life and hard work. We alienate ourselves from our true lives when we do this. Sweat pays us back with meaning.

You’ll have days when you’re so anxious you don’t want to do anything or even leave your house. During these times you need to ask yourself whether you would rather die doing something you love, or lead a comfortable risk-free life that you hate?

You don’t need to be happy all the time. Happiness is a fleeting state and that only happens sometimes! Aim to be emotionally healthy instead of always being happy.

In the end a great life is just a series of great days, so ask yourself what will make today great?

Some of the oldest teachings in the world focus on the theme of personality reactivity. No matter what happens in life, no matter what is thrown at you, no matter how much chaos or uncertainty there is, the only thing you can fully and always control is your reaction. Choose your reactions.

I’ll leave you tonight with a story.

Once there was a farmer who had a beautiful horse. One day the horse ran away. The farmer’s neighbours leant over the fence and said to the farmer: “oh, that’s very unlucky” to which the farmer responded “maybe”.

The next day the farmer’s horse returned to the farm and it bought with it three of the most beautiful wild horses one has ever seen. With the horses on the farm the neighbours visited and said “you now have four beautiful horses, that’s very lucky’ to which the farmer said “maybe”.

The next day the farmer’s adult son was taming one of the wild horses when the horse bucked him violently across the paddock where the son landed on his leg and shattered it to pieces. At the hospital the doctors told the farmer his son would never walk straight again. When the neighbours heard about this they said “oh, that’s very unlucky” to which the farmer replied “maybe”.

A few months later the army was coming through town conscripting all the young adults to serve in war. They had a look at the farmers son and said he couldn’t possibly serve in war as he walked with a permanent limp. The neighbours overheard and they said “oh, that’s very lucky about your son” to which the farmer answered “maybe”.

Congratulations on your graduation and all the best in your lives ahead!

from this I’m absolutely astounded, really

After six decades in the business, can nature still blow Attenborough’s mind? “Yes, from minute one,” he says. “From this I’m absolutely astounded, really. There were so many new things. I couldn’t believe what I saw. It takes a bit of time to get your mind around that sort of thing. How can there be a lake at the bottom of the sea? And then it explodes like a volcano!”

“The amazing thing is how every film has found new things,” says Attenborough. One new discovery was seeing an Anchor tuskfish from the Great Barrier Reef, using coral tools to open clams. “You suddenly saw this fish that was more intelligent than you imagined. It was extraordinary.”

An extract from an interview with Sir David Attenborough in The Big Issue #553

I can’t stop thinking about this.

If a ninety one year old with 32 honorary degrees who has authored dozens of books and had some 15 species named after him, “the greatest broadcaster of our time”, can still have his mind blown by nature, there is zero excuse for you and I to not live in a total state of awe and be astounded every time we step outside 🤩

this part of the ride always creeps me out

On my home office desk sits a calendar of cartoons from The New Yorker.

I enjoyed this recent cartoon:

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It reminded me of this Bill Hicks quote:

”The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it’s real because that’s how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it’s very brightly colored, and it’s very loud, and it’s fun for a while. Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, “Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?” And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, “Hey, don’t worry; don’t be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.” And we … kill those people. “Shut him up! I’ve got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real.” It’s just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok … But it doesn’t matter, because it’s just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It’s only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here’s what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.”

Like all my favourite cartoons it works on so many levels.

lost connections

“Professor Andrew Scull of Princeton, writing in the Lancet, explained that attributing depression to spontaneously low serotonin is “deeply misleading and unscientific”. Dr David Healy told me: “There was never any basis for it, ever. It was just marketing copy.”

I didn’t want to hear this. Once you settle into a story about your pain, you are extremely reluctant to challenge it. It was like a leash I had put on my distress to keep it under some control. I feared that if I messed with the story I had lived with for so long, the pain would run wild, like an unchained animal. Yet the scientific evidence was showing me something clear, and I couldn’t ignore it.”

From an extract from Johann Hari’s new book Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions. I’ve ordered it from my library.

this is the end

“Ballistic missile threat inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill.”

It might sound like something straight out of a horror movie, but for 38 minutes terrified Hawaiian residents thought the world was going to end.

At 8:07am on Saturday (local time), locals and tourists on the small island woke up to a message that many have feared amid North Korea’s development of a ballistic nuclear weapon.

Panicked residents gathered family members, ran out onto the streets and desperately sought shelter as they awaited the attack.

Cars were reportedly abandoned on highways and people who were outside at the time hid in the homes of neighbours as others prepared to flee.

Those watching television also had their broadcasts interrupted by the ballistic missile threat alert, according to NBC.

I can’t stop thinking about this and what people did during those 38 minutes where they thought it was the end. I imagine phone calls reconciling broken relationships, and millions of messages of love.

Last year I was reminded that that any one of our lives could end at any time, and therefore to cherish every moment. Hopefully this message is realised by those who unfortunately had to be part of this unfortunate technological blunder.

the biology of desire

9781925113914“If the brain region that allows us to imagine the future is synched with the brain regions that propel us toward our goals, and if that linkage is practised and reinforced, so that synaptic highways become smooth and efficient, then addiction need be no more than a stage in the development of the self. And that often seems to be exactly what it is. Despite the misery they may have experienced, quite a few former addicts have told me that they wouldn’t be who they are now without the struggles they endured while trying to quit. As a neuroscientist, I view this passage the way a city planner might recall the construction of an overpass to relieve snarled traffic. As a developmentalist, I see it as a vivid instance of the role of suffering in individual growth. And as someone who has known addiction personally, I recognise it as the bounce our lives can take when they hit bottom once too often.”

from The Biology of Desire by Marc Lewis, a fascinating book that explains addiction as a part of regular human development and desire. 💯

2017 in review

We moved house in May to save on rent and to continue spending as much time as possible with the boys. Clare contracted necrostising facisitis during our move which meant she was suddenly fighting for her life in intensive care. During the longest time we’d ever spent apart, looking after our boys who’d she’d never spent a night apart from, I thought it was the worst year of my life. But it turned out to be the best year of my life because we got to keep Clare. Everything else became unimportant. Started meditating. Somehow suddenly stopped biting my finger nails for the first time in my life.

Time meditating: 86 sessions 13.5 hours
Trips abroad: 6
Countries visited 4: NZ x 2, Malaysia, Singapore, USA x 3
Books read: 37
Books abandoned: 4
Mountains climbed: 22
Firsts: 4 (saw my first red-sunflower, first time looking after the boys myself without Clare, first time meditating, first time not biting my finger nails everyday)

our kids’ quotes 2017

It’s that time of year which means I can finally publish the list of quotes we’ve collected from our boys throughout the year.

This year Junior Pixels was 7 turning 8, Little Bear was 5 turning 6, and Little Whale turned 4 during the year. So many classics this year it’s too hard to pick favourites.

See quotes from 2016, 2015 and 2014.

In no particular order:

Orson looking very serious:
“Mama don’t jump forever if you have no undies on. Your pants will fall down!”

Finley (biting into a freshly made toasted sandwich):
“oh Mama; the taste of happiness”

Finley: “The cup of tea at the park was a great idea. Lucky we have the furnace (Thermos)”

(In Byron bay)
Finley: “Mama, what are party herbs?”

Mama: “boys would you like one of the special cereals I bought? I have rice bubbles or nutri grain left…”
Winston: “oh nutri-gubble for me!”

Orson: “Papa, when I grow up I don’t want to be a policeman anymore. I want to be a writer: someone who writes stories”
Finley: “but you’re already a great writer Orson”

Driving to school.
Mama: “look there’s the police getting coffees”
Finley: “cops with coffee”
Orson: “why do cops love coffee so much Mama?”

Winston: “Nana is funny”
Mama: “is she?”
Winston: “she tells me funny things. She thinks everything is normal but it’s not normal”

Orson & fin in the shower
Orson: “ahhh mama the shower is getting hot! It’s burning! I’m going to boil & turn into a cup of coffee!”

Orson: “I’ve been doing really well eating my dinner. Something’s I don’t like. But I sit down and look at it. I ask my brain ‘do I like this?’ And it decides. Then it tells me what I can eat.”

Papa: “Why do you need help cleaning your teeth Orson?”
Orson: “Because of my brain. It’s telling me to do other things”

Orson: “my brain is telling me that it’s tired and that I can’t do anything more”
Finley: “it’s not his brain telling him that, his brain isn’t separate from his body”

Winston (screaming loudly and pointing):
“That man has a smoker (cigarette)! He’s going to die! He will cough and die! Look!”

(Pointing at ornate church)
Orson: “Papa is that god’s castle?”

Orson: “Mama do you know I can spot cows out the window”
Mama: “wow. How do you do that?”
Orson: “I know they are cows because they have tails like lions…horses have pony tails”

Eating dinner
Orson:
 “Papa we went to the museum and saw ships in the dry dock. And we saw the pontoon where nana and grandpa saw a guy that the police were trying to capture.”
Papa: “wow that sounds like an exciting day”
Orson: “yes the guy had escaped and the police were trying to get him. Nana said he wasn’t at jail just probably escaped from the bad guy farm.”
Mama: “what’s the bad guy farm?”
Orson: “oh nana told us about it- not where the really bad guys go, just little bit bad”
Finley: “yeah, not like jail where you go if you kill someone but when you’re just a bit bad you go to work on the bad guy farm”
Mama: “oh. That makes sense…”

Papa: “What do you do when you’re frustrated Winnie?”
Winnie: “I eat!”

Orson (in bed very tired after a long day):
“and my new kicks (shoes) didn’t even arrive today!”

Orson: “your tongue is pink because your taste bunks (buds) are pink, and they’re trying to camouflage”

Winston hiccuping in the back seat of car.
Winston: “Mama I think I have hair-cups. See- it makes you do dis (hiccups).”

Finley (after reading a 1970s sea life library book and wondering about whether ‘alarmingly low fur seal populations’ had recovered or were now extinct. After looking it up we discovered they were doing okay in islands near Chile. Finley was elated)
“Some creatures, their poplee-ation can just got down and down and until the get es-tinct. In David Attenborough a farmer gave a possum skin to the museum that he thought they’d be interested in. And the museum people said they had thought it was es-tinct but they looked in the area near the farm and it wasn’t. You don’t need to give up- you just need to keep looking.
I’m so glad the fur seal is not es-tinct- I can go to sleep now.”

Winston (singing lying in bed before going to sleep):
“the ants go marching one by one, galah! Galah! The ants go marching two by two, galah! Galah!”

Orson telling papa about his park trip.
Orson: “and papa it was very camouflage but I saw a tawny frog mouse in the trees!”

Orson: “Winnie- let’s do cheers with our trollies!”

Winston: “Mama do you love me when I’m not around?”
Mama: “of course I will always love you and miss you”
Winston: “and then I will come back”

Winston: “Mama cola makes you rotten”

Orson: “Winston gekkcos are oc-tour-nal. That means they come out at night like possums.”

Winston (seeing a bush turkey): “Mama, did you know turkeys make turkey (Turkish) bread? I know that”

Orson riding his bike
Orson: “Mama, did you know that the more you ride bikes the more you will know about cars?”

Winston playing with his turtle in car after park.
Winston: “do turtles go to the bottom of the sea?”
Mama: “yes I think so.”
Winston: “mama do they have playgrounds under the sea?”
Mama: “I don’t thinks so darling, maybe rocks & coral to swim around.”
Winston: “no. I think they have playgrounds down there.”

Orson: “Mama was so ‘steaked’ (stoked) that I got this book at school”

Orson: “you don’t believe in me” (you don’t believe I’m telling the truth)

Mama: (sniffing) “oh Winston did you just fart? So stinky.”
Winston: “it was a gnome. A gnome did it.”

Winston: “what are we having for dinner mama?”
Mama: “roast”
Winston: “oh I love graby! (gravy)”

*** BONUS ***

Winston: “Why do they call them brownies when they’re actually black. They should call them blackies.”

Winston: “Orson said the f-word. Don’t say the f-word Orson!”
Orson: “what the fuck is the f-word Winston?”

a midlife “unravelling”

“People call what happens at midlife “a crisis” but it’s not. It’s an unraveling—a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live, not the one you’re “supposed” to live. The unravelling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are.”

Brené Brown – The Gifts of Imperfection

just say no

“Just say no” (to drugs, gambling, eating, sex etc) is the least helpful advice that you can say to a human being caught up in any addiction. If they could say no, they would. The whole point of addiction is that people are compelled to it by suffering, trauma, unease, and emotional pain. If you want to help people, ask why they are in so much pain that they are driven to escape from it through ultimately self-harming habits or substances. Then support them in healing the trauma at the core of their addiction, a process that always starts with nonjudgemental curiosity and compassion.

~ Dr Gabor Maté

bald rock national park

On the second day of my two day trip to the granite belt I visited Bald Rock National Park. The park is home to bald rock which is Australia’s largest granite monolith. It’s hard to describe just how huge this thing is, and how small it made me feel. Even after visiting the Giraween pyramids the previous day which I thought were huge in themselves, climbing up Bald Rock was breathtaking. There’s two routes to the summit: a longer winding gradual track through forest or straight up the slab: I just went straight up.

Hanging around the top and having the rock all to myself made me feel like I was on top of the world. An amazing piece of nature and history.

 

 

giraween 2017

I spent yesterday exploring Giraween National Park which sits on the Queensland side of the New South Wales border about 3 hours south west of Brisbane.

The area is known for its large granite formations of around 220 million years ago.

Giraween offers some amazing hiking: I managed to do 29km in a day which included climbing to the top of The Pyramid and Castle Rock, as well as exploring some creeks and seeing some rock formations like the Granite Arch.

The weather was rather spectacular with temperatures around 28 degrees Celsius and clear sunny skies.

I’d like to head back at some point and try to climb the second pyramid, but I need some company to do that safely.